Sometimes I get questions about how I come up with material. Do I carry a notebook? Does it just come to me? Do you think you could stop emailing and asking me to send you the overalls I wore in the ‘Forever’ video? And, aside from John Stamos being a total dick, I’m flattered because it never even occurred to me that I have material, just a few zingers that could be printed on the inside of Laffy Taffy wrappers.
The short answer is that I kind of come up with it as I go. The slightly longer, might-be-considered-a-mental-disorder answer is that I use a hand puppet. Sometimes I get stuck and sit at the screen long enough for me to eat an entire sleeve of Oreos and since that only takes about two minutes, I usually spend an additional hour biting my nails. It’s a habit I’ve had nearly my whole life and one that I’m not particularly proud of. To remedy this, I started using a hand puppet that goes by the name of, “Klappar Vild” which apparently just means “glove puppet.” Way to try, IKEA. I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of crocodile or dinosaur but either way, it’s not at all effective at being bad-ass since it not only has felt teeth but rounded felt teeth. That’s why I’m comfortable sharing my feelings with it.
Or rather, ideas. I never intended for it to be this way, but I found that if “streams of aluminum robot tears” sounds stupid coming from a glove puppet, then it will likely be even worse once written down. By now, Klappar and I have forged quite a bond. Check out these bedroom eyes we’re exchanging:
Targeting Nich Lachey's solo music career is too obvious. Next.
Klappar even lets me know how dumb it looks to show just one of my eyes and since the “I’m growing it out” excuse never works, my inferior non-puppet hand fixes it for me.
I really should just get a notebook.
