I like to know about people. Especially when it comes to their sexuality. I like to create my own pornography about people I see in public– turning them into piss drinkers, diaper wearers, and ass to mouth-ers. The only problem is, I generally don’t like talking to them. Plus, I think broaching the subject of strap-ons to a complete stranger may be considered gauche in some circles.
This means that I find myself posting fake ads on Craigslist searching for anonymous sex. My ad usually adheres to the template of a porn star. I scale down breast size as to not create suspicion, but other than that, I am a cum guzzling 20 something looking for a good time. To make things more interesting, sometimes I include a challenge. This way, these men are provoked to tell me that yes, they “can handle it” or make no bones about it, they “can keep up with the best of them”.
Diving deeper into the bowels of Craigslist reveals a great deal of skepticism among the male population when it comes to the authenticity of w4m ads. Most of them speculate that gay men are behind this litany of dead end ads. It is, of course, the goal of every gay man to masquerade as a woman and ultimately trick another man into having sex with him. I hear that. However, the avoided truth here is that more often than not, women (and admittedly, a share of men) do this to marvel at all of the ways in which natural selection are still at work today. If sex is, at its core, a biological imperative ordering us to seek out reproductive fitness, then I now understand why these men weren’t invited to the potluck.
Many (read: all) of them are terrible salesman. Although most of these men are unemployed, I still get the urge to tell them to not quit their day job. Expectedly, many replies obliterate the waistline of coherence. Maybe age, weight, and race aren’t important, but knowing how to spell at a third grade level should be. Others are either vague, promising of a nine inch cock, or telling me that although they may be old, they’re young at heart. Sometimes, it’s all three. A great bulk of them are also repeat customers. Whatever I am selling, they want it. I can be blond, brunette, BBW, pregnant, or in all cases, clearly fake. I have seen the same names and phone numbers so many times, I could use these men as my emergency contacts.
The most disconcerting thing about all of this, is (and this comes as no surprise), they’re all normal. These are men who send pictures of themselves at their kid’s birthday party (said child is conveniently cropped out as to not kill the mood, but the Bob the Builder theme gives it away). I don’t necessarily expect pictures of men pleasuring themselves to an episode of Teletubbies, but it wouldn’t surprise me.
I have never replied, and I never will. Anonymity makes people do crazy things, and in my case, it has turned me into the girl who cried dick.
