I bought a gallon of vodka a few days ago. It was $9.99 at Trader Joe’s – where they’ll sell you a rib-eye for the price of an onion. I mean, I’ll probably never drink a gallon of vodka in my lifetime, but the bargain was too hard to pass up. I’d buy a prostate exam for the right price. The best part? It comes in a plastic jug, which I figure should be the standard for any hard liquor. Glass rarely mixes with rowdynness anyway.
I happen to like flavored vodka because many of them tend to me more Skittle than they are alcohol. And if you really want to twist my arm, when I say “flavored vodka” I actually mean, “wine coolers.” The differences are negligible as far as I’m concerned since they both end with me talking about how I always confuse The Mighty Ducks with Darkwing Duck but what if they are secretly the same thing?
So while I’m far from being a mixologist, I do know how to put things in other things. And with that, I’ve essentially shared my recipe for Bubblegum Vodka. I used 16 pieces of Dubble Bubble for about 1.5 cups of vodka and shook it around every couple hours. With every shake I thought to myself, “This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Even worse than that time you Naired your eyebrows.” For the full 24 hours that I let it steep, I felt like an idiot. A cheap idiot. But after tasting the final product I was like, holy shit this actually works. Oh, and there are even leftover bubblegum soaked vodka bombs. They act in kind of the same way as olives in a gin martini but, you know, edible.
My finished product ended up being a disappointing pale pink. To get closer to Barbie’s convertible I added some red decorating sugar, which also made it a bit more like Fun Dip. Just how I like it.
Now I just need to figure out what to do with the rest of this vodka. Using it to make homemade NyQuil seems too obvious.
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Dude you are full of the awesome.
My husband is a chef, and thinks this is revolting. He also can’t drink at all due to seizure medications, but I still know what he’s getting for his next birthday, because I am nothing if not thrifty and I even have some berry-flavored sugar I got from my Secret Santa three years ago kicking around the back of a kitchen cabinet, which would lend an air of legitimate klass.
Also if my ex-husband’s car gets hit with a flaming wad of Dubble Bubble someone else did it. No reason.
Also the sugar wasn’t a random thing, it came with a glass and a recipe for Cosmopolitans. The next day my Secret Santa gave me some sour apple-flavored sugar and a recipe for Appletinis, and I forget what the hell drink recipe and color/flavor of sugar was next but bottom line is Santa called me a drunk and I’m still pissed.
You can do the same thing with other hard candies. Jolly Ranchers, butterscotch rounds, candy canes, Lemonheads. And Skittles! The skittle version you might want to strain because there are parts that don’t dissolve. But if that doesn’t bother you or if you are lazy like I am, it works just as well if you don’t.
I recommend visiting the candy aisle, seeing what catches your eye, and then experimenting!
bring the fuck back sils.