One of my favorite lesbians recently brought Alternadudes to my attention – a porn site where skaters, punks, surfers and Scott Stapp* perform sex acts, sometimes with each other and sometimes with their skateboards, for you.
I watched one of the teaser videos in which two men, Dempsey and Taylor, suck and fuck their way to climax. At least, I’m assuming they climaxed. The video was cut off right before the money shot because, since porn isn’t free or anything, I guess I was supposed to feel compelled to pay for a monthly subscription so I could witness Dempsey’s hot glue gun bedazzle the shit out of Taylor’s face. Little do they know, I can see toned men fellate each other in neon costumes on television for free.
totally not sucking cock
But the point is, no matter how much professional wrestling I watch, I just can’t be inspired to put a smackdown on myself while watching dudes swap proteins. Especially if most of them are wearing their baseball caps sideways. I’ve tried, and since I can’t imagine myself in the middle of the circle jerk without being booed, my response never goes beyond, ‘Hey would you look at that.’
I’m not the best judge, though. Most of my masturbatory fantasies involve multiple women or getting extra ketchup at fast food restaurants. So, you keep fucking in what I’m pretty sure is an abandoned warehouse with maroon curtains and a ficus plant, Alternadudes. I’ll learn to love it eventually. Maybe.
*not really
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What a coincidence. Like you, most of my masturbatory fantasies involve multiple women or getting extra ketchup at fast food restaurants. Sometimes my mind likes to switch things up and combine the two. You haven’t lived until you’ve imagined a gaggle of women lathering themselves up in an endless supply of ketchup packets. Ah, heaven.
I think the reason I reallllly love this site is the very first clip in which one of the guys looks just like Isaac Hanson, pre-babies, post-awkwardhorsefacedness. All these years and I swear I’ll never stop thinking about those boys getting it on… with each other.