So it’s come to this

I know it may seem like I do this Boyz II Men shtick to be funny, but that’s mostly because the reality is too grim to face.  My life is one that is centered around checking if the online Boyz II Men store has opened because it has been coming soon for months now and so I am starting to think that coming soon really means hahahahaha white girl. This is where I lose my patience because if manic depressive hipsters can put together an Etsy store dedicated to screen printing Sylvia Plath’s face on oven mitts, then surely these guys can take a break from pretending they’re Stevie Wonder and provide their 11 fans with some satisfaction.

All I want is a t-shirt. Preferably in black and maybe with a design where my face is superimposed on all of their microphones, so it looks like we’re making out. Oh, and they’re not allowed to sell it to anyone else but me. Out of my caravan of good ideas, this one surprisingly ranks as one of the least insane while simultaneously being the most impossible. However, I should note that my concept of insanity is probably skewed.

Either way, Boyz II Men is touring. I know, it sounded weird to me at first too. But whatever, I’m going. I have to. Even if I am 90% sure that it’s some sort of glitch or elaborate prank put on by all of the friends I don’t have because they just love me that much. At this point, the only thing keeping me hanging on is the fact that over half the venues are at state fairs and casinos. That is the kind of authenticity that only a 21 year old musical group, whose greatest success involves Lisa Turtle being in one of their music videos, can generate.

The show is in June (or Joon, I guess if we’re trying to stay consistent with Augast) of 2010 in Bremerton, WA. So, who wants to carpool?

bad decisions Boyz II Men I'm not fat I just sound like it Music my life should have training wheels