Watching TV can be hard

This week, I watched Transgeneration because I took two Xanax and thought, “This could be fun.”

The problem with me is, I sometimes get really involved with the people on these docu-dramas or whatever term you want to use for “reality TV but not really.” For instance, one time I watched MTV’s True Life: I’m Dead Broke and there was this guy whose family didn’t even have running water (aka broke) and he was trying to join the Army so he could support himself, but he couldn’t because he was on probation for stealing cars. I looked him up later and found out that he did the smart thing and reproduced. I also discovered that there’s a donation fund set up, and he even has an entire blog dedicated to him, which means you’ve made it only without all of the money and perks.

So, essentially, Transgeneration is a documentary (comprised of 8 episodes) that chronicles the gender transition of four college students. In all candor, I cringe to use the term gender in this context because gender isn’t something you are, it’s something you do and so to say transgender implies that you can either be 100% male or 100% female and anything in between is classified as freak . So now that the profound pillow stitched adages are out of the way, I’ll go on.

I had an unexpected reaction after watching Transgeneration. I predicted that I would watch it with a tear in my eye and cheer them all on for wearing their pink ponchos or boxer briefs and I did, for the most part. I absolutely couldn’t stand T.J. (top right) and I wasn’t keen on Lucas either (bottom left), which is interesting because they’re both female to male transfers. After piecing this together, I tried to explore why I had such a negative reaction to the two. I’d like to think that it’s because T.J. was your typical pretentious grad student, who took an ethics class and now totally gets the meaning behind “No blood for oil” and Lucas just smoked a lot, put even Pauly Shore to shame in his use of “dude” and wore a lot of Abercrombie & Fitch. While under average circumstances this is plenty of fodder to qualify for my “Why do you exist” list, part of me wonders if there was something in me reacting to the fact that these men were rejecting femininity, and in the process, inadvertently making me feel insecure. It’s kind of like when you have a favorite movie (let’s say…Home Alone II: Lost in New York ) and you start talking to someone about it assuming they’ve seen it, but they haven’t and you’re outraged or even worse, they have seen it and they’re like “I didn’t really like that movie.” Maybe this is just me unveiling more of my unsuspecting Lorena Bobbitt-esque insanity, but I always walk away from those encounters feeling kind of slighted. Sure, I know that it’s just a matter of preference and that’s ok because I mean some people are Vin Diesel fans and I don’t hate them for it, but deep down I’m just kind of like, “I don’t get it…Macaulay Culkin was at his best, and oh man, when Joe Pesci’s head catches fire and he does a handstand over the toilet to put it out, that’s hilarious how could you not love that?”

So I don’t want it to seem that I’m trying to say that these men are crazy because like, tits get you tons of free shit so how could you want to get rid of them. What I am saying is that this Gender Identity Disorder bullshit has nothing to do with the individual, but everything to do with everyone else who is uncomfortable with a man who wouldn’t want to be a man and a woman who wouldn’t want to be a woman. Even before birth, so much emphasis is placed on genital-defined identity, so imagining a life in which you don’t (or can’t) relate to your penis or vagina as a means of sexual, physical, or mental expression is aberrant and must mean that something is wrong.

Point is, gender is performative anyway, so why should it matter if you have a dick under your pantyhose?

I watch a lot of tv I'm kind of a douchebag men respective testicles Women