This is inspired from We Have Lasers, a site dedicated to the overall failure of the 90s. They wouldn’t post my own laser portrait because I submitted it under Vagina Drum, and there was fear that vagina would be too “R-rated for We Have Lasers.” I guess that’s what I get for daring to imply that the vagina even exists, but I’m optimistic that one day, we’ll all stop clutching our pearls over what sits or flaps between our legs. Whatever, it’s still a cool site and I encourage you to go there–but now I’m in the awkward position of being one of those people who thinks that their photos are really interesting and/or funny.
Sadly, this is probably the best school picture I have. All others involve braces, prison issue eyebrows and a general lack of concern for attempting to look like a human being. For whatever reason, I wanted my hair curled that day. So my mom and I got up really early and she did it for me as I stood there inhaling White Rain hairspray and wishing I had just dyked out like I always did and settled for one of those skull shredding plastic combs they give you at school.
Once I got dropped off, one of my classmates spotted me and made some sort of approving comment about my hair and I hissed at them, ate the skin of a nearby squirrel and hid behind the nearest wall. I’m just kidding about the first two things–but I did hide because I guess I was embarrassed that I had discarded my L.A. Gears to be a girl for the day, and someone noticed. Also, you can’t see it in the photo, but my denim shirt was somehow made better by a series of Looney Tunes characters cleverly peeking out from the pocket, and of course I had to fuck that up by crossing my arms like what now.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Your lasers rock. I’m surprised no one’s pointed out this obvious conclusion yet.
I came
I had the same shirt. How is it we don’t yet rule the world?
Maybe we don’t now…but we will soon. Bad taste will not be denied.