SILS: Lights Out Sleep Mask

I’ve never thought of myself as high maintenance and my litmus test for that was whether or not I owned and wore a sleep mask to bed. Along with bathing in a mixture of milk and honey, I thought that having a sleep mask with pockets of lavender, or one that simply reads “Bitch” in satiny pink, was the ultimate sign of a diva. So, whatever, I’m wrong again because I now use a sleep mask, but at least it’s a cool one and I’ll tell you why.

Last year, I was about to embark on a 16+ hour flight to Japan and needed some way to pretend that I wasn’t trapped in a flying coffin with 300 other people while Everybody Loves Raymond played on loop in the background. Although Valium would’ve been a better option, the Lights Out Sleep Mask was a close second and, given my propensity to nap, has been very popular ever since. It’s great for travel, which is why I usually reserve mine for plane rides, road trips, and even when I have an unwieldy headache that makes even the faintest source of light feel like Fran Drescher’s voice has been frozen to a point and forcibly pushed right between my eyes. The contours around the nose ensure that most, if not all, light will be eliminated and the elevated pockets allow the eyes to breathe and prevent them from drying out. This is especially useful if you’re currently deployed overseas and are dealing with less than ideal sleeping conditions, if you have a shitty roommate who has a habit of using a strobe light when they jerk off (in this case, you have bigger problems) or if you just want to sleep until 2pm in the afternoon.

The Lights Out Sleep Mask doesn’t get points for being really fucking creepy, but (if you buy from Amazon), it comes in blue which was a selling point for me because it meant that I could pretend to be some sort of renegade superhero like Batman or Steve Jobs. Only, instead of having real powers, I have the ability to sleep with my mouth open, and hand down pants, while arguing with LeVar Burton about how sad it is that leather tanning is now a lost art.

I'm wrong again Products SILS