I’ve never been into fashion or clothes or anything that requires me to tart myself up like I’m Boy George. My dad picked out my outfits until I was about 11, which usually consisted of a Looney Tunes shirt and denim shorts that went down to my knees. From there, I progressed to glitter tops, Skechers and Tommy Hilfiger overalls. In my adult life, I gorged on biscuit sandwiches and attempted to hide it with cardigans and really edgy t-shirts in the vein of “Jesus is My Homeboy”.
I eventually lost the weight and Bruce Vilanch-esque t-shirts, but the bad taste runs deep, so I kept this around:
This shirt couldn’t be more descriptive of my inner thoughts, unless of course it said, “Let’s fuck and then eat Doritos while we watch the Paradise Hotel marathon.”. It comes from Blacktooth, and I know the t-shirts look like they were made for people who have fashion mullets and smoke Parliament Lights while listening to Jeff Buckley’s cover of Hallelujah, but that’s because they are. It’s douche bag central, but I couldn’t resist something so tacky and vulgar.
I’ve never gotten any compliments on it, but no one has approached me to express their disgust yet, so I will file this under “Fashion Do”.
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You’re hilarious. Glad I found your site!